Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
