have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
