My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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