he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
