What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize