bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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