eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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