he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
