You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
