The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize