UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
