You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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