You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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