I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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