My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
