my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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