We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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