So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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