So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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