i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
