We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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