Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
