Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
