do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
