burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize