I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
