I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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