you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
