he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
