smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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