is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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