id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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