Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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