Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
