Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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