Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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