I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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