God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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