My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
