And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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