well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
