Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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