I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
