so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
