So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
