Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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