I cockslap morals
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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