Christians are straight up FREAKS
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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