There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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