Acid is not a monday night drug
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
