he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
