we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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