Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
ok first of all what the fuck
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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