you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
