Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
