He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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