His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
