shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
