I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Vodka?
Forever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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