please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
