Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
