Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
