You're a womanizer and a bitch.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
