hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
