And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
