My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
