he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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