Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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