Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
