Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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