Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
