3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
