I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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