I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
