I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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