3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And then my night got REAL pukey
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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