You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
