I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
