I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!