ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
