we're blogging at a bar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.