i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND