I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
