we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
