Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
