I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize