I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
