Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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