using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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